Parenting in itself is a hard job but step parenting is much more difficult. Yet, some simple tips & strategies that we learn in our daily lives can be used to build good step relationships and become a successful step parent. Parents have to understand that since step families are a result of the dissolution of the first family due to the death of the spouse or divorce, children may still be recuperating from their losses or they might still be grieving and mourning for their loss. Even young children fantasize that their step family will be just like their first family and may have expectations that are hard to fulfill. It is the duty of the parents to redefine ‘family’ for them and develop a relationship from the beginning.

They may have to make the children understand that you constitute a group and their hobbies and your interests can together be integrated to make a new identity for themselves and strengthen your bonding with them. Expecting instant attachment or love from our step children is unrealistic but you have a right to be treated with respect. You can set an example to them by treating them with respect and encourage their trust by avoiding making any negative comments about biological parents or siblings of your step children, when they are around. While disciplining your children, let their biological parent or spouse take the lead, especially with older children. In case you are the only one left to take care of your step children, act like ‘adult in charge’ or baby sitter rather than a parent.



Whenever the kids rebel and use ‘You are not my parent’ talk as their weapon to not listen to you, be clear and firm. You need to be confident to say that you do not intend to replace their mom or dad. If the children’s biological parent is not around to discipline them, you can say that since you are the ‘adult in charge’ of them at the moment, you are responsible to see that they follow the rules of the house. It is very important that you are your spouse always stand united in front of your step children. Talk about your differences when they are not around and if your children and children of your spouse are living together, there should be one rule for all the children. Spend some one-on-one time alone with your step children to build a good relationship with them and share their activities and take them for a drive where you two can have fun together.
Biological children and step children may both crave for your undivided attention. Try to spend sometime alone with all of them. If you are having special talk with your biological children, keep low and do not blow the trumpet around your step kids. A positive attitude, forgetting and forgiving little things and avoiding criticism or sarcasm in your communication with step children can cement your relations forever. If your kids are members of two households, you may need to go and visit them with your spouse. Try to keep your schedule if it means inconvenience or overwork for your. If the child needs you both, never miss the opportunity to help out and cooperate and earn their trust and love. Always keep your marital relations in focus and set aside some time with ‘only’ your spouse. It has been seen that stress of step parenting is one of the main reasons of divorce in step families.