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Single parents and their children often have to face stigma, violence and social
problems based on myths, stereotypes, half-truths and prejudices. Sometimes, the
taunts can be subtle and leave subconscious effects. The best approach is to
confront them and understand what is true and what is not. Some of the myths
have been cross-examined here:
- Myth: Since culturally, traditional nuclear families are the norm and
predominant, single parenting is an aberration and single parents are often left
lonely and isolated.
Fact: Recently, single parent families have shown a sharp rise. In U.S. alone,
about 59 percent of American children have lived in a single-parent home at
least once during their minor years and over 16 million children currently live
in single-parent homes. They are often ‘bi-nuclear’ families, where despite
divorces and re-marriages, both the parents are actively involved in parenting
and offer their children two separate homes.
- Myth: Children from single-parent families have emotional and behavior
problems and do poorly in school.
Fact: These conclusions are completely false and untainted researches by other
scholars such as that of Richards and Smiege, 1993 are generally ignored. The
outcomes of the oft-quoted 10-year study of Judith S. Wallerstein cannot be
trusted as it started with subjects with problems such as from ones with
psychological disorders or juvenile delinquents on the first hand. Children of
single parents can be as healthy and emotionally secure as those from
traditional families.
- Myth: Single-parent families mean ‘broken homes’.
Fact: Parents who chose divorce or not marrying as a way of their life doe not
necessarily mean that they are trying to make a broken home work. Many times, it
turns out to be the healthiest choice to give children a peaceful and stable
home environment. Positive outcomes in single-parent families are not uncommon
and single parents are often more independent and multi-tasking and their
children actually learn to handle greater responsibility.
The outcome of single parent families actually depends on social network and
support to the family and good communication within the family. Children of
divorcees can be as healthy and well-settled as other kids while they even enjoy
greater stability and happiness in their marriages, as they are more adjusting
and concentrate more on keeping their families intact and happy.
- Myth: Being brought up in single-parent families is detrimental to children’s
self-esteem.
Fact: Children’s self-esteem is linked mostly to the income level of the family.
Since single-parent families also have single income coming in, they are often
low-income households too and thus, children's self-esteem tend to be lower too,
similar to children of low-income two-parent homes. Parents can teach resilience
and self-esteem skills to their children by being a model to them, boosting
their self-respect and self-nurturance and make them realize that their
possessions do not determine what they are.
- Myth: Families need to be self-sufficient, while single parent families
aren’t.
Fact: The emphasis on self-sufficiency often produces unnecessary shame and
guilt in parents who are emotionally and financially challenged, including the
single parents. One has to learn to be interdependent, give and receive; taking
our own responsibilities and asking for support and engaging even professional
help, when needed.
Parents should not become too dependent on children for social and psychological
support but rather join support group for single parents as their social outlet
and fun and source for emotional and child care support. Families should also
engage in volunteering within the community so that they learn the balance
between nurturing and being nurtured and each family member may become more
mature and independent.
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